A Heartbreak and an Absence
It has been months since I've written here. Sigh!
As I think of all the months past, I think of the reasons that I haven't been writing. The main reason brings a deep sadness in my heart. I had met a most wonderful man. He's not a young stallion. He's older than me, in fact. However, he brought a flutter to my heart. Even now, as I think of him, my heart still beats a quicker tempo. He is an amazing man. He made me happy ... but no more. I guess it is because of this whole sad state of affairs that I am back writing this blog. It's my way of pouring out my heart. I had no one to confide in until him. I only had this blog until him.
He was one of my fellow trainees years back. I knew him as an acquaintance. Then I met him again a few years ago. This time, of all places, at the pool. He's thinner than me, definitely one who exercised regularly. I had gone there on advice to lose weight. My pride kept me off the running track for I could only manage five minutes of jogging before I had to stop and rest. I could swim for a longer period, albeit at a slow pace. I consoled myself that I was still exercising. He popped over to talk to me when I had finished my laps. I found myself very attracted to him. I guess his figure and the speedos he had on helped a lot! Slowly, a relationship blossomed. We met often and I found out that he liked me as well. (More of that later.) I found myself in need of complete rest some time back and had left the city. He kept in contact with me. My mother even commented that he sounded like a good friend. Then, last Christmas, he discovered I was writing to Nifty and he wasn't happy. I promised him not to write anymore and kept to my word. Then all crashed. No, we didn't officially part company. It's just that he's so distant now that he's become a stranger.
Oh my heart! I find it difficult to confide in him now. He holds many of my secrets — things that not even my family knows about. I could write about my feelings in many stories at the moment. I have sleepless nights now, wondering what went wrong. I can empathize with Ralf, whose life took a turn a while back. (I must ask him if he minds a link from this blog.) In fact, I left him a note to encourage him. I need to heed my own advice. I know it's going to take a while but this depression really does seem to creep in at the oddest times. Life is hard but it has to go on. In fact, I feel better writing about this. I am going to reveal more the next time.
As I think of all the months past, I think of the reasons that I haven't been writing. The main reason brings a deep sadness in my heart. I had met a most wonderful man. He's not a young stallion. He's older than me, in fact. However, he brought a flutter to my heart. Even now, as I think of him, my heart still beats a quicker tempo. He is an amazing man. He made me happy ... but no more. I guess it is because of this whole sad state of affairs that I am back writing this blog. It's my way of pouring out my heart. I had no one to confide in until him. I only had this blog until him.
He was one of my fellow trainees years back. I knew him as an acquaintance. Then I met him again a few years ago. This time, of all places, at the pool. He's thinner than me, definitely one who exercised regularly. I had gone there on advice to lose weight. My pride kept me off the running track for I could only manage five minutes of jogging before I had to stop and rest. I could swim for a longer period, albeit at a slow pace. I consoled myself that I was still exercising. He popped over to talk to me when I had finished my laps. I found myself very attracted to him. I guess his figure and the speedos he had on helped a lot! Slowly, a relationship blossomed. We met often and I found out that he liked me as well. (More of that later.) I found myself in need of complete rest some time back and had left the city. He kept in contact with me. My mother even commented that he sounded like a good friend. Then, last Christmas, he discovered I was writing to Nifty and he wasn't happy. I promised him not to write anymore and kept to my word. Then all crashed. No, we didn't officially part company. It's just that he's so distant now that he's become a stranger.
Oh my heart! I find it difficult to confide in him now. He holds many of my secrets — things that not even my family knows about. I could write about my feelings in many stories at the moment. I have sleepless nights now, wondering what went wrong. I can empathize with Ralf, whose life took a turn a while back. (I must ask him if he minds a link from this blog.) In fact, I left him a note to encourage him. I need to heed my own advice. I know it's going to take a while but this depression really does seem to creep in at the oddest times. Life is hard but it has to go on. In fact, I feel better writing about this. I am going to reveal more the next time.
posted by Soul Lark at
6:20 am
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